im in a kiddie pool, high, with a keg in arms reach. If i had a sandwich and a blowjob this would be the best day ever
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
just added God to my list of friends who can only see my limited profile on facebook. its such a relief to know that He can't watch me fuck up my life anymore.
he forgot there was a midterm today. i watched him break his own finger to get out of it.
Just checked my phone. Sometime last night I googled sex positions in a tent. Was there even a tent there?
my night ended with a pity blow in a racecar bed
I walked into the kitchen and twelve of them were just staring at the oven. Freshmen are the weirdest drunks ever.
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Eric and I just went in the hallway to practice our new handshake in a real life situation at live speeds. That high.
When / where did the additional couches appear?
Additional?
James brought one with him when he showed up. Theres still 2 outside and according to facebook, at least one more burned up.
I got dressed on his front steps, peed on his neighbors lawn, then did a shoeless walk of shame home at 5am...
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
This is the most exciting thing since movie theater hand jobs
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