on the way to work, i saw an empty wine bottle sitting in the middle of an intersection. i thought of you.
i can respect that.
you kept naming everything at the party...like "boy i'm going to make out with" and "table i'm going to dance on later"
just to let you know coffee and vodka was a bad way to start the day
Just passed on a threesome. I'm too old for that kind of morning after.
The sex I just had was not worth missing a girls night out.
It never makes you rethink your life choices when you're breaking into my apartment at 3 am to take a piss in my kitchen sink?
You know when you blow me it's the softest, most amazing feeling ever. Like putting my dick in a silk bag filled with puppy ears.
Its a little weird going to a wedding where I've screwed the bride and my wife has screwed the groom. Great wedding though.
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
On a unprofessional note, there's a new girl in photo.
That wasn't unprofessional. The fact that I'm going to fuck her is unprofessional.
I woke up just like any other Wednesday. Naked on the floor, hungover and covered head to toe in lube
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
The last time I saw you, you were giving the stripper a lap dance.
Thought for a game. Duck, Duck, Grey Goose. If you're tapped, you take a shot. Then proceed as normal.
just woke up and had to check if i still had pants on, i really need to stop drinking
Randomize
