last night i was so high that when a homeless person asked me for a dollar, i responded: dolla dolla bill ya'll.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
I think god is proud of me so he is rewarding me in discounted wine
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
He says he won't get serious until he screws an Asian and a virgin. I should just place an ad on Craig's List
Wanted: female 18-24 of Asian or partial Asian descent to fuck my ginger boyfriend. Must be willing and able to fake virginity. No emotional connection needed, just sex, just once. Further contact post sex not needed (or particularly desired)
FYI: telling a guy his dick is more impressive than you remembered it - they don't take it as a compliment.
I. recorded a message of me yelling at myself to "get up out of that bed" and set it an alarm. REALLY loud
I mean I kinda plunged vagina first into my last relationship
I was behind him snuggling, I told him I was the big spoon and he told me I was too little it was more like he was wearing a backpack.
There's just no proper way to thank a man for that many consecutive orgasims.
I just saw an ad for "fair trade quinoa vodka". Fuck this world and everyone in it.
I had a dream involving the worlds smallest pony, an asphalt volcano, and jimi hendrix. Never smoking 3 bowls before bed again
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
Randomize
