my vagina has a 5:00 shadow
Police were closing down the bar due to gunfight and I was crying because they wouldn't let me finish putting temporary shamrock tats on my boobs
Talking to a male stripper. About the LSAT. Only in Vegas.
I still love him regardless of his misguided forays into heterosexuality
I wanna throw up and cum in that order
I can't bring an entire liter in the bar in my purse. I mean I can. I might. I'm probably gonna.
151 hangover. Need apocalypse.
Is the party worth it?
I am drink. Beer pony and singing.
I think that's why god made me a woman. Bc it's harder to slap people in the face with a vagina.
I found out Naomi Campbell and I have the same birthday and I feel like that explains so much
I think we need to stage an Intervention. Her Instagram is a call for help.
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
Money making scheme, blow job proof mascara. Waterproof is bullshit
My roommate walked in on my inserting a tampon. Somehow, I don't think this will be improving our relationship.
It's an interesting experience to pee while a bird meows at you.
You need to get out of the house more
Randomize
