I admire the strength of friendship we have that allows for sharing husbands.
I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
I call biggest shit show at the party. I welcome all challengers.
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
If you could come over after class and poke me with a stick to see if im still alive id really appreciate it
on a scale of 1 to 'no sex' how busy are you this week?
I made her a sippy cup with eggnog and whiskey. My meditation app told me to go the extra mile for someone today, so I did.
If for no other reason than to cuddle with that puppy, you have to hook up with him again.
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
He also turned out to be underage (the fucking liar) so we had to get drunk on cooking sherry
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Well you know I have tits so that's half the battle
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
Got pulled over today for going 90 in a 40 zone with my leg out of the window. Still got out of the ticket. I'm getting way too good at this. Wanna trade bodies so we can see if it's my boobs or my charm?
Randomize
