I give out O-faces like they're halloween candy
im in an endless cycle of being too hung over to eat all day...then getting too drunk because i didnt eat anything. where is my life going?
legit been throwing up since 7am. told my parents the two bowls of puke in my dorm were soup
My grandma put hard boiled eggs on her lasagna. I'm not high enough for this.
Naturally, I just peed all over the floor. Two guys in front of me looked at me, but i just shrugged. They won't remember either.
You were passed out on the chair and when I asked you if you were okay you looked up and said "I'm fine, I was just pretending for a picture" then passed out again.
Post-sex chicken soup was such a good idea. It's been like an hour and I'm still applauding myself
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I just had a dream that I was pulling you around downtown on a sled, from bar to bar. Dear lord if we start that there's no hope for us
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
So I thought the party was crazy before his pinky came off...
I have discovered my latent superpower. If a friend is dating a bi chick they will inevitably try and talk me into a threesome.
Gotta admit I did think about bartering you out to the gay guys for $20 and the dudes flashy neck scarf
WHO ARE THESE GUYS WHY AN ORGRY ON A MONDAY LMAO
My bed smells like the plague
Randomize
