My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
She used the introduce me to her roommates so she could find out my name trick the next morning..I may be in love.
You insisted on take shots off of plates.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
Ok so I could say "im sorry"...but instead ill just say "unsupervised...jager...military guys...green school bus called the juice box...and HUGE dick"
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
The only way I can describe the noise he makes when he has an orgasm: dying walrus.
all i remember is walking in on u shitting and crying listening to shawty get loose. its safe to say this break up has taken a toll on u
I resisted the urge to announce that it looks like a big crystal butt plug
I just fell in love with a beard, the guy it's attached to isn't great but I think I'm going to take one for the team
I can't wait to get to LA so I can punch her in the face
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
It’s the universal cock block of this decade
FUCK THE COCKBLOCK 19
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