She made a guy cry in the bar. I will have her, oh yes, I will have her..
just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Still workable. Pretty sure i told her i'd eat her out in the woods.
You said that we had to leave the party together and proceeded to repeat the "ducks fly together" speech from The Mighty Ducks word for word. Soon the whole party was quite and started chanting quack..quack...quack..
So his "youporn" cam totally caught me stealing quesadilla leftovers.
Had a drag queen carry me to the car. So I'm told...
did i try to light ur hair on fire with a sparkler at the club saturday?
i hope you're proud of yourself! i just had to ask my boss to put ointment on the rugburn on my back. clothes hurt!
90 seconds of pumping and 2 months of bragging all summer. So much for my reputation here.
My kid just put flowers in my hair to make me pretty, then showed my boobs to an entire playground. He's either the best wingman or the worst.
World Cup Drinking Game: Take a shot every time they call a foul for something we don't understand. Gotta risk it to get the biscuit.
I'm fucking sick of guys. I think I'm going to date myself. No drama. And I know I'll always put out.
I slapped a guy during sex last night because he moaned the wrong name. Then I remembered I gave him a fake name. Sorry bro.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
How is it that on the one day I'm just moving my car at 6:30 I get the walk of shame looks but when I come home at 9 am in a torn dress holding heels old ladies smile at me?
Randomize
