I was so drunk last night, I had to Wikipedia what i did.
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
Church boner. Awkwardddd
It's sad because pictures are supposed to say a thousand words, and theirs just say 'fat'
I didn't take her seriously until she snorted that ramen noodle flavor packet...
I rode on his Vespa around Florence and fucked him in an empty train. It was like a way sluttier version of Lizzy McGuire
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
don't worry about it. We passed around the "get jeff bail" can 10 min. After you left. We currently have around $400. May I say that people here at the dorms really love you.
ugh he was not leaving in the morning so i tried to scare him by crying and saying i wasnt ready to lose my virginity.
my goal was to make out with as many people dressed as batman as possible. I have my priorities.
your blue lips and tongue was their first indication you were probably underage
HEY THERE IS NO AGE LIMIT ON BLUE SLUSHIES
Well to me, someone is not really my friend until we go to a mcdonalds drunk at 4am. It's like a right of passage
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
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