Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Last night the nurse at the ER told me that she wished all her drunk patients were like me. Then she commented on my socks...
sometimes i think my sole purpose in life is to cockblock my roommate
he tried to breastfeed my turtle
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
he got all sad that i was going to fuck his roommate, so i just asked him if it would make him feel better if I let him motor boat me. i am such a saint.
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
He wants to buy us a microwave. Clearly the man is going to fix my life.
He can be a kind, caring soul but also give in to the temptation of eating unicorn ass.
I do not recommend playing football on LSD like at all
Randomize
