So for his birthday I'm planning on doing what stripper did when she put the matches on her nipples..lights them n makes him blow them out..SEE I AM dating material.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
You put a thong on my pumpkin didn't you.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I love Japanese schoolgirls with short skirts riding bikes on windy days.
You're never coming back, are you?
I mean, I'm all about sharing, but when he tells me about his wet dreams about Oprah, I think it's taking it too far.
That's all? I'm a pro at gay chicken. I'll touch his dick, I have no problem with that.
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
You shouldn't have to. I think you should bust into work like "pay homage to my magical vagina!"
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
Got drunk with him at an Irish pub ended up losing him for twenty minutes when I finally find him his piss drunk singing Irish folk music with a group of Irish guys and a midget
He meets the coolest people when he's drunk
All I've had to eat today are potatoes...and by that I mean vodka and chips
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
To describe how high he was he said, " I'm cocked out of my ape sandwich" so yes...that was some pretty good weed.
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
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