my mom just asked me why she found a half-eaten burrito in the hamper
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
definitely fulfilled the lesbian status quo and fucked her in the back seat of my prius
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
She insisted we fuck to Ludacris, not how I imagined popping her lesbian cherry would be. I tried delt and I liked it.
Yeah then she waddled like a duck in silence sat down and ate the entire paper towel roll.
the chips you spilled whiskey on is not the same thing as Irish breakfast potatoes
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
All I know is that I woke up in a soccer players' dorm, and he said that I kept telling him my mouth was a "net for his balls" last night at the bar..
So wise, so handsome, so good at oral sex.
If someone made a breakfast cereal that was a cross between lucky charms and fruity pebbles and called it unicorn power with a huge fucking rainbow and a unicorn standing in a pot of gold on the box, they would be rich. Not only monetarily but spiritually as well...
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
I puked on his mom. Not my proudest moment
Do you find Darth Vader masks attractive?
i guess "never drinking again" is not an option when you invent a whole new level of drunk...
Randomize
