Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
She was narrarating everything she did.. like while making toast.
just got dressed up for chatroulette- THAT desperate.
Please don't be alarmed by the blood on my arms and phone in the morning. It's not mine.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
I was getting sick from all the peanut butter I had to lick off
Stop bitching. YOU SHOULD FEEL BLESSED TO HAVE LICKED PEANUT BUTTER OFF OF THESE TOTTERS
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
Also I'm sitting home alone with a big ass bowl of marshmallows right now just eating. It's so sad.
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
I want to wear Christmas sweaters with you.
I'm all dressed in my outfit from last night, and I'm not even the sluttiest person in Walmart right now. God bless Miami.
SShout out to Barney the Dinosaur for teaching me how to sing the ABCs backward. I just scored a free pitcher.
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
if i had an alexa it would be saying “have sex with guys that don’t care about you”
Is there any reason why a taxidermic donkey head is in the shower?
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