the girl next to me in class just threw up in a waterbottle during our exam.
i thought i was the drunkest one there til some girl puked in the tip jar.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Sorry if I put you in that 'glad we're hanging out but I'm gonna go fuck your cousin' kind of position
I need to establish a pattern of dominance early.... I'm like a slutty Cesar Milan
Ran into his sister at the gym and hit it in the parking lot. I dont even feel like a bad friend she got a boob job and lost 20 lbs its not even the same sister
I had wine for breakfast at 6am, that's how visiting my parents went.
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
Something tells me your "Titties for Tracy Morgan" fundraiser won't pan out.
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
Because you hugged a homeless guy, and I paid him 5 bucks to give us our giraffe balloon animal back. That's why.
Dude you were so wasted you thought a fake electric candle was real and tried to light your cig with it. Multiple times.
The economy cant be that bad, I willingly got fired to bang her again.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
