I wanna wear you like a flannel shirt
My cat gives me a boner
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Good news. Isn't krabs. Bad news. Not sure what it is. Worse news. Encouraged not to fuck till known. Great news getting laid tonight
The AC broke so he ended up sleeping in the front yard and left his one night stand on the couch.
Never ever ever ever ever ever give your number to a 30 year old at buffalo wild wings. Ever ever ever.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's tying my arms above my head and all I can think is that I should've shaved my armpits
Am I supposed to confront my 52-year-old boss/mother of 3 about the fact that we matched on Tinder?
I can't trust your balls anymore.
I don't particularly remember setting a firecracker off in my hand. No more tequila.
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
Completely unrelated and mildly related, a guy I hooked up with last year in a threeway died, his obit photo was his Grindr photo
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
in your professional opinion, what's the most elegant way of saying "sorry I spent all night flirting with you, I thought you were gay" ?
Randomize
