I gave her the chance to be interesting and she failed. So then I gave her a chance to be slutty and she failed at that too.
i just dont know how to see an unattractive person as more than a friend
i wish exes would disappear into a world where we never have to deal with them again, and they can just create drama for each other. Then if they wanted to talk to us, they would have to apply to get a "visa" to come back to our world.
My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
i'll just tell him I slept with them both because we needed to compare notes
I guess I just laid down next to him with the entire pot of mac n cheese and started giving him a handie with one hand and eating with the other
Wrapped in a blanket, just ate a whole party pizza. All my dreams are coming true and you don't even care.
You were visibly distraught that my boyfriend and I didn't have sex in your bed. You forced us to take your condoms.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
and then after the older sorority girl asked me his name she said "he gave me the rest of his mcdonalds and I decided to go home with him. it was the best that I could hope for my night"
Idk if my headache is from the alcohol, the pot brownies, or being dragged down 8 flights of stairs by my ankles because i passed out in the 12th floor girls bathroom by you. Probably a combo of all three.
Jesus fucking Mary Christ if I have to clean shit out of my fucking bathtub one more fucking time I'm gonna murder a fucking kitten
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
Randomize
