he had more hair on his balls then in my Easter basket
I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
He just fingered me to the Lion King soundtrack. And when he left he turned dramatically and said "I'll be back after work. Be prepared." Taint ALL the childhood memories.
i ran into my coworkers when i was walking home last night. i was shirtless. i think i gave my shirt to Walter. he's a cat.
im still drunk. birthday week begins.
Its people like u that make people like me go to rehab. He has a lazy eye for christ sakes.
He says he invented a new sex move called The Redbird that we can only do when I'm on my period. Should I be concerned?
I decided I was tough enough to wax my bikini area myself. Long story short, I'll be drunk when you get home
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
I'm mailing you cans of corn and that's final.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
What's clit gel and why is it in my wallet.
i'll explain later but cookie monster is playing the xylophone
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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