It's a Westpoint/Army thing, we talk about Miley Cyrus a lot
Why?
Because when is jailbait ever not funny? Answer: Never
Preparing for wine wednesday. How would you feel about improvising and starting a white russian wednesday tomorrow instead? you know, shake things up a bit.
My overnight senior got drunk and hooked up with Kaylee on Sunday. I checked Facebook and he already put down his deposit for next year. This school should pay me a commission.
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Winning the lottery was the best thing that ever happened to my penis.
Greatest pickup line ever: "We are out celebrating winning the lottery."
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
In 18 months of being married we've had sex with 7 different couples. Who said you can't have your cake and eat it.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I'm watching Part of Your World now and I'm crying and I feel like I'm floating right along with her. This. This right here is some drunken Disney Magic
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
One day I'm going to get tired of waking up and wondering where the glow sticks on the floor came from.
I got the shit slapped outta me last night but the pain in my jaw doesn’t even compare to the hangover I have.
Randomize
