we went back to her place to bone only to find her boyfriend having sex.. with MY girlfriend
So you actually don't remember giving head to the Neil Armstrong statue last night?
dont be like that, i wasnt picking him over you. I was picking multiple orgasms over zoolander.
then he asked me if i wanted to "handle his wingman"
There was a reason that "Throat Warrior 2011" was written on my martini glass. He said my title was undisputed.
she kept yelling about wanting tacos, so I gave her a piece of bologna in a tortilla. she didn't know the difference
I have a busted ear drum from when he honked his horn when we started to have sex on his car in the parking lot...
They poured beer (3 cans) down the toilet so bubbles can be drunk in fishy heaven
Blacked out last night, but left myself a note that said "oops on oops on oops" that can never be a positive
I told him to pick up the beer can he threw in front of the police station. So he gets out chugs whatever's left and throws it back and says ok let's go.
I'm still confused. So he's NOT your cousin by blood, but WAS your cousin, on two separate occasions, by marriage? Still too weird I think...
I would reevaluate a bf who is happy with other guys doing me.
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
My life is in shambles. Just made a grilled cheese in the microwave on a hot dog bun
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