I just walked by a homeless man reading the money section of USA Today...
Don't really want to talk about it. You were right. She had a whole jar of toenail clippings on her nightstand that she chews on "when her fingernails are too short." Direct quote.
The Shake Weight not only toned my arms but significantly improved my hand job form and efficiency.
I still can't figure out why that's not in the commercial.
It was her 21st and she had one drink and fell asleep. I hate 90lb girls.
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
There needs to be a crayon color for how blue my balls are
Did I really just find a cheez- it box full of condoms in your room?
me blowing you awake is the exact turn i want our relationship to take
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
Yeah when I texted her last night the only response I got was "stoned eating cobbler."
I walked in on him fucking my best friend. I think we've reached the point of following each other on twitter.
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
i had every intention of working out now im just drinking wine and thinking about taking nudes in my thigh high tube socks
Now I am free. And I want to go meet men. My phone deleted all my contacts, and I consider this to be a new beginning. With a new man in my phone book.
Randomize
