Getting fucked up met up rando with a girl I confesswed my love for last night. weird, going with it
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
Can I use you as a job reference? Don't tell them i got you fired cause I banged you tho
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
Like if there was an award for best way to take a girls virginity, he would get a standing ovation. And first prize. Probably a bunch of roses too. That good.
I'm at about main and main street
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
I just did a line of coke with an Olympic bronze medallist. I guess we know why he only got bronze.
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
The last thing I remember is crying and shaking my head as she was putting salt on my hand. I guess I took the shot
I think I might get 604 tattooed on my ass tonight...
He watches the nature channel every time I am here. It's like a manipulation technique because baby zebras will get me every time.
I don't need this shit right now. I just woke up covered in pistachios
Sitting in the car eating a bagel. Watching a guy do tai chi in the parking lot. My morning is fabulous
Randomize
