I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
69 |D_O
wtf does that mean??
it's a very specialized emoticon, means 'i heard you fucking some dude through my bedroom wall last night and so i listened intently"
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
Just read my long term horoscope. I'm not gonna get laid for another 2 years.
... They left for 10 minutes and came back with a lobster he's in the toilet downstairs
I am not ready to suck todays dick. Todays dick just laughed and came on my face.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
At one point, he came in to give her a pep talk, and then after he left, she just kept whispering his name into the toilet between heaves.
yea talk to her if you feel up to it. Just remember who you are
Oh shit sorry I just gave lion king advice sorry not mufasa
But for real, I had the best sex of my life on that bunk bed
Only I could go on a date with one guy, have a beer with a different guy and go home with the guy im trying to avoid. I have a talent or a problem.
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
My vagina is glad I'm back at work because it needs a vacation after working all through my vacation.
Overheard a drunk girl talk about how when she's drunk she believes in more than one God
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
Randomize
