Some 6 yr old girl just got on my plane in St. Louis. She was wearing an I Love Canada shirt. She eyed the seat next to me and I stared her straight in the eyes and shook my head. Fuck her. Fuck canada.
I just five second ruled a donut I dropped at starbucks, everyones staring
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
These old people don't even realize they're giving me weed money for shoveling snow.
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
Briing, briiing- tricycle ridden. Where is my crown?
i did nothiing wrong other than not tell that kid his whole back was covered in puke
Using the random money I found in my bra from Halloween to pay to print my bio notes. I only brought a debit to the bar. College win.
Super stoned right now. And I stared at my exit, thought to myself "hey self. That is your exit" and I kept driving right past it.
Still no second date. Guess you shouldn't show guys your taser on the first date.
I'm so proud of us for not dying.
Yeah no problem. What are blow job angels for anyways
I fucked him while wearing his hat. I love the navy
Is it bad that whip cream tastes like sex to me?
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