I don't know where I am, but its a Goosebumps novel waiting to happen.
Unless I'm getting a singing midget telegram, I'm not going to smile
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
My dinner last night was 3000 calories of beer. Slept kneeling on the floor w/ my head on a couch
remember when I told you about my grandma asking me about my sex scars? Less comfortable than that
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
I mean there is a rehab there so its gotta be a good time
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
I sincerely thought making it to McDonalds by 10:00am was a shoe-in but it appears that I need to adjust my zoom when looking at the map before walking to places.
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
Have you ever just like not slept in so long that everything looks like a lava lamp?
I'm high and having a granola buffet this has got to be the healthiest I have ever been
Does your drug dealer have a printer I can use??
i just found a lighter in my bra... from last night, and its 7:43pm...
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
Randomize
