I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
By the grace of god and the ingenuity of Alexander Graham Bell, this text message is made possibe: YOU ARE A WHORE
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
Hey, I shot that toilet dead center, drunk, from at least 6 ft away. I'm a fuckin awesome shot. You guys were completely safe.
Yes, that toilet won't be hurting anyone anymore.... Hahaha
There are two women in my bed. I'm gonna have a bowl of noodles so I can better understand my success.
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Yeah but if you conceived a child on a park slide that would be pretty awesome
STAY IN YOUR APARTMENT. DONT GO TO SAFEWAY TO BUY CONDOMS. DONT GO TO THE VAN.
3 words: harry potter burlesque. My life is so much more awesome than yours right now.
Did you put my shoes in the freezer.
Nope. I did however put them in the kiddie pool you pissed in in the living room before Tyler put them in the freezer. Ass hole.
He sounds like Chris Tucker and wants to eat me out when I’m on my period. If that isn’t love I don’t know what is.
Randomize
