when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
the line runs infront of fredricks of hollywood. it's like gamestop is showing me how pathetic I am.
i had to do the walk of shame dressed as a leprechaun. I have never been more proud of my irish roots.
Then we managed to set a grill and all 24lbs of meat on it on fire. I didn't help because I was filled with alcohol and extra flammable.
Places you have drunkenly threatened to piss: my bed, my bros bed, my moms bed, my bros wedding
I don't have enough holes for all these australians
We're in ER. He's high on morphine and I'm drunk. Gonna score some bed pans for jello shots.
He's socially awkward. He has a big dick. We've had this talk before, they're socially awkward because they don't leave the house they just sit home and play with it.
i just deleted him from my phone. and yes... I did just text you this from less than 20 feet away.
I'm not judging.. I sure as hell am not getting out of my bed to come talk to you about this. but i support your decision
There's like a dolphin trainer convention here or something. I will parlay this trip to Vegas into riding Shamu if its the last thing I do.
I was on all fours trying to empty the bowl we smoked into the sewer when your neighbor came out, but besides that it went smoothly
The bar would not accept my money. I have reached God status here
I wanna get high and watch Shrek tonight...don't make me do it alone.
After a crazy night, morning sex is just trying to find a position where you can thrust without getting seasick.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
