my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
I just woke up and realized I puked in my boxers WTF.
You stay classy.
The worst part was I forgot until I tried to put them on.
take the plastic off of my new air freshener and i'm not going to eat you out for a month.
I hate girls that dress up to come to planned parenthood. I just want to be like we are all in the same boat here, we know your slutty. Its OK.
the only good thing about these hospital visits are the free pregnancy tests
Dude I think I was making out with the cat last night
I don't have a cat..?
Well nonetheless. Whatever it was purred when I used tounge.
you were upstairs in your room looking out your window and saw him puking in your bushes outside. you then proceeded to open the window and sing Come To My Window
Your engaged. Stop telling guys you will sit on their face. They don't always know your kidding.
Eating cold pizza and drinking a beer for breakfast while standing in a hotel window naked is how I say hello September...
I can't turn off my feet"
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
I just did shots of fireball with my dad in a car wash. How's your pregaming going?
Your pictures have evolved a lot over the years but I think your angry dick pic phase was one of my favorites
Remember how slutty I thought she was when we were freshmen?
Yeah! But that was a long time ago. Plus, you use your sluttiness for good!
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