no one is going to fuck you in a field of bunnies
Feel like bed is flying. Not sure where we're going. Hope there is candy.
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
and thats when we got a drunken mammogram in the middle of cvs pharmacy
of all the people in our graduating class, this is exactly who would get pregnant.
Well yea but it's the principle of the thing.. The fact that he could actually BE your daddy
Hi Jessica this is Jessica and I am texting you and were taking lime shots and it's fantastic and I broke your elbow and I love you xo
I kindof just wanted to go downstairs and let his dad know how good his son was at sex
Please tell me that SOMEONE, SOMEWHERE, has created a drink called a 'Tequila Mockingbird'. PLEASE.
I need to be more functional. That doesn't mean I'm going to drink less, I just need to wake up and shit
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
I totally just pulled my thong out of my purse at the grocery store. Oops.
I know he's only a bandaid for my emotional disrepair, but he can stick me anytime!!
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
Randomize
