I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
He just made his dick say "woof" and howl at me. can you pick me up?
he let me duct tape his mouth because i said it was my fetish, i really just wanted him to shut up
Miller High Life will be the death of me. Well, that and shower sex.
He's coming over for beer and a movie, but I just don't know if he's interested.
Pathetic and sad. I should come over there and fuck both of you just to get the ball rolling.
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
I'd be careful with that one, she got 86'd from the family dollar while SOBER.
my mom called me mid shot and i accidentally answered and kept calling her my own name. somehow i thought that would help the situation.
There's s woman at the corner of the bar dancing by herself in her seat and making eye contact with me. Please hurry.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
People like you and me aren't meant to go this long without having sex
Had a dream last night that we survived the apocalypse. And we celebrated Christmas.
What did I get you?
A 12 gauge and a bottle of vodka that was waist high.
Sounds about right
Hypothetically, I throw a party and my ex-boyfriend and my current fuck buddy are in the same house... what should I do?
How many beds are in the house? Hypothetically...
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
Randomize
