She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
Halloween 2010: the NuvaRing girls. You're Thursday. We'll walk into the party chanting "Monday, Tuesday, Wednesday, Thursday, Friday, Saturday, Sunday, Everydaaay".
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
im at a loss of words.... a stripper is dancing to a Justin Bieber song.
So even though we broke up apparently according to my voice mail you still like me, with smurfs while riding on a boat.
For my job application I just put "community gardener- personal business" for my previous work experience in place of the neighborhood pot grower/distributor
i just went 2 months without giving head... thats like two months without coffee. or two months without sun.
we are all four or five tequila-induced decisions away from shitting in a bucket, come get me please.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Just gave a blow job while wearing a shirt that says 'world's coolest mom' idk how my conscience feels...
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration
OH MY GOD YOU GUYS I JUST FOUND OUT I HAD PHONE SEX THE OTHER NIGHT
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
i black out too much to be "responsible"
I'm still trying to figure out who shit on the coffee table. I have confirmed beyond a reasonable doubt that it wasn't me.
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