I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I hope I don't blackout because this is awesome!
I FOUND THE PROF I'M GOING TO FUCKKKK.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
If Amber from Teen Mom can get a new boyfriend, so can I.
I decided they need a food cart that just roams around the library like the cotton candy people at the circus. But with real food. like tacos cause it sounds delicious.
It was like you were trying to communicate only you were using every letter of the alphabet but in no order and in a different language
Hardcore start to spring break. Mike is wearing adult diapers because the only stop we are making is for gas.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Just do let me go home with anyone especially I a guy with a hair sweater
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
i need to put some appletini on your dick
It makes my nipple hurt just thinking about it.
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just got out of the shower and I feel like I just washed off 10 lbs of bad decisions...
Randomize
