Omg I just drooled on the screen of my phone from smiling with my mouth open while textin bahahahaahah
And i quote: "where's y'alls from comin' in with them accents?" - from a mississipi mcdonalds
I just googled the nutrition facts for a mcgriddle and yet I still want to go to mcdonalds
he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
Sometimes I wonder why I hang out with you. And then you show up half naked at my door with a half gal of vodka, and I remember why.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
It's like my ice maker knows when I wanna get drunk
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
The two girls sitting next to me are asking siri "Like, uh, how do you know my name?". Do I fuck with them or fuck them?
Oh it's not a problem. Cleaning up the yard and disposing of 75 gallons of Jello is all I've got to look forward to today.
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
IT IS NICKEL SHIT NIGHT
*shot. Why
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
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