I got my half for the rent already.I called the cops on the drug dealer neighbor and got a 500 bucks as a reward
He's at the gym. He likes to get high and swim cause it makes him feel like a fish.
i love being in ibiza. their hotels are much more receptive to walking around naked in the lobby than our american ones.
a cabby told me that vodka is the coors light of liquor, and then gave me his number
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
Sometimes I wonder if my parents know that I mean horny when I say lonely.
That's the only definition of lonely that I know.
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
I was super naked---except I kept my shoes on, because I'm a lady, and I was bent over a bar.
If I was home I'd be ouija boarding the fuck out of the house, haven't been this high since that day
do you think our homemade porn will pass for my cinematography final?
Things he's good at: oral sex and geometry. Things he's not good at: actual sex.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
You ate ashes out of my bong
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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