I need a man. I think Im going to put myself on Craigs list since they caught the killer and all.
Do it and if you add naked pictures youll get an instant reply
A chick at the bar last night took my black berry, looked at my Brick Breaker score and told me she couldnt take someone that has a lower score than her seriously.
she texted him the burrito order while she was puking in the Del Taco parking lot...
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
I automatically know you're drunk now as soon as you start yelling in spanish
Come down here. We are watching people walk through the paper we taped in front of the elevator.
She kept pulling joints out of her bra and asking strangers for birthday hugs.
The strip clubs here are like a safari of penis, and I'm gonna bag me a rhino.
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
How's my sex life is me mastubating next to her dog. that's how it's going.
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
Stop recording sex noises and setting them as my ringtones. This time it was at a funeral
All I can taste is Pickle Juice and Cocaine.
He said when the pizza came I zip locked one slice and went to the couch and snuggled with it. Does that give you an idea of how my night was?
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