The bar is so dead the tender gave us free shots for staying. They mixed 2pac and phil collins. That's worth at least three shots.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
So I went to have a snack...can you please tell me why there's a condom in the hummus?
he opened the microwave and beer cans poured out
This may be hard to believe, but that wasn't the first time I was fingered under a snuggie
It's not
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
I want to be the sort of person he can respect in the morning once the drugs wear off.
i think the last part kind of negates the first part there
What?! Why else would they put table cloths on a table if not for discreet oral sex? That's why they were invented! Read a book...
He showed up to a baby shower and kept telling everyone he was late because he was pregaming. And then tried honking the pregnant girls tits
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
Drunk wound on my leg hast healed and neither has my dignity
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
I made her pull the car over 5 times to puke because she was going to fast, apparently she was only going 30mph...
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
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