He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
is it bad if i hope guys are like edward cullen and can read my mind. i could be a whore in disguise.
I'm so never shaving my vag in a target bathroom for him again.
I just experienced a full blown christian wedding. I am SO GLAD YOUR WEDDING WASNT THIS.
Considering the fact that you wouldn't give me my cat last night because he was "destined for broadway", yeah, I'm accusing you of stealing him
No it's okay, we're just driving to random places with the portable stripper pole and causing a ruckus.
Oh that's normal
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Just killed a snake in my bed! And by killed I mean hit repeatedly with my fist. And by snake I mean a lump in the covers. And I pissed my pants.
The homeless woman that called me a "dirty looking cunt" the other day, was standing outside Starbucks today with a sign that said "Jesus loves you."
The girl I was Skype sexing just asked for a moment of silence for robin Williams.
apparently I kept repeating I have a to do list this summer and he's on it
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
You have such a talent for this
Friendship, or finding weed?
Yes
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
