Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
We convinced her the game "just the tip" was a billiards game. She was asking a couple guys if they wanted to play as we left. I kinda don't want to ask her how the rest of the night went.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
I took both his daughters virginities. There's no way he won't give me a job
I don't have nearly enough visine for the dryness from sticking my head out the window on the freeway for 20 minutes. Child lock me next time.
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
when someone at the bar asked you a question all you knew how to say was "chug-a-lug"
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
he knocked a glass of water onto my bed and then said that he should get to sleep on the dry side because he was "a guest"
I don't have to hold her hair back as she blows me but I do have to hold the ball on the Santa hat
if masturbating while stoned isn't called "weed whacking" then i just don't know how to live my life anymore
Hey I'm sorry for head butting you last night. Personally I thought it was funny at the time, but I can see how from your perspective it may not have been as enjoyable for you... Hope your lip is okay.
For future reference, don't put tape on your nipples. Ouch.
I let him use my phone and now I keep getting gay cruise ads, I guess he forgot to mention something.
There is a huge fucking spider in my bathroom....I can just burn our apartment down right? What do you need me to grab?
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