Yeah but my nose is so stuffed if I tried to give him head I'd suffocate
I was so drunk last night i ate cereal with a fork.
This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
I have pictures of you scratching against the sliding glass door on your knees screaming how you felt like a lamb.
Letting two friends screw at my place in exchange for weed. This is my life.
I don't understand why your family and sex lives should EVER overlap.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
They took my balls.
He was kissing me at red light while his penis was in an aluminum beer bottle peeing..
Having to crawl on my hands and knees because I woke up with a mysterious broken foot this morning...
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
I woke up in bed spooning a vacuum cleaner
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
