Girls behind me in the library are trying to outslut each other with stories from last semester. I'm about to set my cock on the table between them and label it "tie breaker"
hot twin vs twin who's good in bed. why do my life choices same way unfair
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
ambylanc
what?
there was an amgbulance. iw ish i was in it.
i draw the line when you ask for directions at a place you're already at.
I wonder what chicks would think if they learned that when we add them on fb we email their bikini pics to each other.
Wait is it okay if I still want to fuck the whole USA swim team or is that only acceptable during the Olympics?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
I am serious when I say I think I broke a rib having sex with Kyle. It might be puncturing my lung. No lie. I might die today.
I can't give advice right now, I have a yeast infection.
This is why I can't take dates to shows... I've literally made out with everyone in this band. And two of the guys in the crowd. And the bartender.
There is an episode of "how it's made" on tv right now. The subject is tequila and water beds. Basically my life.
The neighbors ahemed the WHOLE time. Their kids are the ones that scream loud enough for me to remember my birth control. It's payback!
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