Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
he opened up his "box of magic": a crusty tube of KY jelly, three expired condoms, a fingertip vibrater, and a jar of marshmallow fluff.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
My mom just called me to tell me that i dont have chlamydia. Awkward.
I got carried to one bar. Got a piggy back ride to the next bar. I was just testing our drinking team for st pattys day to make sure they are able to handle me more drunk than that.
What is their policy on bow ties and belligerence?
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
I used the hope and guess method to figure out who I slept with last night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
Seriously, though. As long as it's attached to you and is not a vagina, I will not be disappointed.
I'm telling you, this vagina is really making the rounds lately...
Judging from the sharpie on my face, glitter on my chest and women's tiger print panties i'm wearing last night was a thing.
Randomize
