Yeah I guess I was Pocahontus. If she were a trifling drunk who hung out in her undies, with possible brain damage.
Is it weird that I found myself thinking of that blue chick from Avatar while she gave me head after the movie?
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
Seriously. He was just sitting there naked in the dark with a boner pissed that I came home late.
People said that when they tried to talk to me I answered that there was a glass around my head stopping me from answering them
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
i'd say i'm about at weeping-uncontrollably-in-a-puddle-of-my-own-tears-and-urine level
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
well apparently i was just calling everyone cunts. then i awoke from my blackout to 3 very mad roommates who didn't bring a key out with them
Sleeping in a car was not on my list of plans for the night.
Look,the guy had sex w/a Canadian prison guard on the deck of a cruise ship,he could blow any second.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
I want you to remember that you started masturbating in front of a car full of people. That drunk.
Randomize
