I wish i could put a picture of my ass of my resume...that seems to be the only way i will ever get hired
For the record, chili cheese fritos are not a chaser.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
I just remembered you had me meet your law professor while I was wasted...how'd that go?
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
I should have been on a postcard. I was sitting in the middle of the forest with a plate full of pot brownies and missing you.
i would never take his side over yours. you coulda gotten knocked up from another dude and i'd be right there next to you blaming it on him saying some shit like "his sperm were just too sub par for you" or "shoulda had a bigger penis"
i need to start buying Plan B in bulk and leaving them at the door. I'm really sick of walking to CVS with my one-nighters
I sent him a tit pic on accident and he replied with "nice ass"
Just because your gf gives mediocre bjs doesn't mean I can fill that void
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
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