I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
When I saw him standing at full height, I realized exactly how much his body structure reminds me of his penis.
She is chewing on staples and spitting them at her cat, I think it's time to leave..
Just found out he cheated on me last night. But its Shark Week so I will deal with it next week.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Being invited to eat tater tots at 1:30am by a rly hot girl then actually only eating tater tots is a major let down. Tasty, but still a let down
You know it's been a good thanksgiving when you pee all over your own hands.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
This is the third time my roommate and I have drunkenly hooked up. I'm starting to think she's not as straight as she says she is.
If you can't accept me drawing a Santa hat on your penis then we can't be friends
I cannot lay down. I will throw up my life and your life and the class hamster I had in third grade.
So stoned that I pressed the unlock button on my car keys to walk into my bedroom...
the roommate is literally cooking green eggs n ham, and I'm too hungover to see straight. Dr Seuss nightmare.
No he doesn’t answer my texts except for like on New Year’s Because like I was fucked up on New Year’s and he said happy new year and I told him the same and I called him dragonslayer and you can’t really recover from that
woke up hungover this morning lying in a water raft covered in water.. i dont know if i should consider this good or bad
Randomize
