piano lessons. No girlfriend. What's up.
He told me he had herpes after I put his hotdog in my mouth
all adderall does is make me the grand champion of using wikipedia.
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
do you ever think like no deep thought could take place in the spanish language? like all they talk about is like tacos?
how high are you?
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The really sad thing is that I actually practiced crawling in my room yesterday in preparation for today
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
HE'S EATING THE CONFETTI. STOP HIM NOW.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
She was mad I came so fast. I was like, It's the Olympics! Fastest time wins! We can train you in the offseason.
She was chasing her shots with beefaroni and I think I fell in love.
What's worse having drunken sex with hot married man or breaking the diet one week in?
Jarrod's passed out on the chair with a cup of milk and I've been staring him down in an attempt to use telepathy to make him spill it. Attempts unsuccessful.
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