mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
You going to have to be more specific than the night we blew an 8ball off the toilet..
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
I tried to discuss modern art with a cab driver after explaining that I only had one shoe on b/c a pitbull ate the other one. Wtf. Call me when you can.
You need to get over here. I think the drunks are about to sacrifice a chicken to the beer gods. Or a freshman. Stay tuned.
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
The great part about clubs is that you can fart everywhere and nobody knows! The bad part is I'm on e and i have nobody to fondle.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Okay penises are actually pretty exciting. The people attached to them are an entirely different story
We gotta locate my vibrators and get them stashed away STAT
well you're talking to a woman who had glorious sex less than 24 hrs ago so my opinion is biased.
I'd give my right arm to start my period. My right arm. Thats more significant then my left.
Randomize
