but she was nice to me.
She was a fuckin STRIPPER.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
God, i just love slightly insecure guys with hearts of gold and giant penises.
I'm paying a homeless guy $20 to follow me around bars tonight with a boombox playing the theme to Rocky.
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
First day of class and I'm in a bar drinking pitcher #3. Foreshadowing?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
When I woke up next to him on the living room floor, my glasses were broken and it felt like someone rubbed a cactus all over my vag
I just noped my wife on Tinder. Turns out I was the second one to find out that we both have it.
The next time you invite me out to a bar full of cougars warn me first. I never felt like a piece of meat before.
It doesn't matter how nice the shirt you wore to the bar was, you still shouldn't have worn it to a job interview
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