I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It's just like the Real World with babies
You proceeded to call me a hoe and then informed me that Bear Grylls is and always will be more important than I am to you.
He passed out while I was riding him, and just when I was about to call it quits he opens his eyes and squeezes my boobs and goes Honk! Honk!
all but 2 of were put on probation for disorderly conduct. i know, visiting a hospital when your drunk is really stupid but it seemed like such a good idea at the time
swear to god, "it seemed like a good idea at the time" is gonna be on your epitaph
There's two big trays of water in our freezer. I just hope they freeze by Saturday. for the ice luge.
its Wednesday...
they're reeeeeally big trays
Only the gays. Guy gives me a handjob in the steam, then changes next to me under his towel
Only the gays
We fucked to showtunes. Never going out with a theatre major ever again.
She thinks Jesus was an astronaut.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
And that kids is the last time I ever try to outdrink Germans
I'm trying to be celibate. I'm having me time. I'm eating cake.
I don't remember much, but I remember he called me the dick whisperer, so it must not have been all bad.
My yoga ball is now going to be used for actual exercise instead of somewhere to suction cup a dildo
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
Randomize
