Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
so after the bed broke we walked out of the room to a standing ovation
and i do it all in one night. I'm like santa but a whore.
He told me that "my little fuckpig" was a term of endearment in Britain. I think I'm in love.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
He just kept yelling cup my balls to everyone they kicked us out after 20 min
YOU CAN'T JUST DO COKE AND THEN CALM DOWN
My dick can't jump between your dick and her mouth, man. It's impossible, I think.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Just thought of the perfect gift for mom.... how about not telling her about my fourth open intoxicant ticket I got last night?
I'm pretty sure that's why we have such good sex because we are secretly trying to kill each other
What kind of paramedic is he, some dude is dying back there and he's trying to get laid
She wore her engagement ring the whole time we fucked. I hate her fiancee, so it was cool
there is another microwave in the elevator.
Randomize
