i hope the fucking fire crotch burns his mouth
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
He cummed in my mouth, then said he had to go because his best friend broke his foot falling off of a balcony, put twenty dollars in my hand and was gone before I could even swallow...
Turning 21 on Saint Patty's day. I like to think this is what my alcoholic ancestors have prepared me for
Just snuck alcohol into the hospital for my mom.
Girl next to me just ralphed in a bag. Congrats class of 2010
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
I feel like saying your blowjobs are worth a burrito is not the best strategy to get him to be more giving in bed.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
Come back. Shots need mouths.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
when in doubt, mount your coworker in the staff room.
You took the receipt and ate it. You then took it out and gave it to the waitress with slobber and holes all over it.
Randomize
