I'm gonna do things to you that will make the neighbors want to move.
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
Soo I have a handle of 100 proof captain, cupcakes, and nothing to get up for in the morning.. This blizzard is shaping up to be a great night.
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
The meeting is at the same hotel we go to for sex. Avoiding eye contact with all the staff there.
You cleaned out the gashes in your leg from hopping that fence with that whipped cream vodka, didnt you?
Dude, didn't you know? Its balls out wednesday.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
I wore pigtails while I was having sex with that 22 year old just to make him feel like a pedophile.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
So they just told me that while I was being loaded into the ambulance the cop told them if they were good friends they'd post it on Facebook...
The subtweets were good enough
Thanks for coming out I think haley is drunk enough for breast milk White Russians
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
After 3 parties, all of them busted, and 4 field sobriety tests, I AM the cop whisperer
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